Germy's Annual Guide to Answering Residency Interview Questions So You Match Good

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Your first interview is coming up. Your mom said to 'just be yourself.' 

This may be good advice. 

Nevertheless. Take a moment and reflect on those you have been with along this academic journey. Perhaps some of them should not 'just be themselves' during the interview process. 

Assuredly none of the readers of this particular corner of the internet would find themselves in the position to go against their own mother's advice, but if only for our own edification let us forge ahead and review the world renowned Germy's Annual Guide to Answering Residency Interview Questions So You Match Good. This year's installment is provided in a convenient multiple choice format. 

1. Which of the following is the most appropriate response to the following: "Why are you interested in coming to our program?"

A. Best results when I place my location here on Tinder
B. Best food delivery options
C. Best overhead page voice
D. Highest number of floors (best view, of course)
E. Free food and doctor's lounge access

2. Which of the following is the most accurate thought to have when someone asks: "Do you have any more questions about our program?"

A. What can I bring up in a clever manner which allows me to move the conversation to highlight an achievement of my own?
B. Ugh
C. Actually, I think I had them all answered during the previous 90000 times someone asked me this
D. Are you going to rank me first?
E. All of the above

3. During the Dinner-view the night prior to your actual interview, which of the following is the best response to being asked: "Would you like another drink, student-doctor?" 

A. Yes
B. Oh, well, haha, I usually don't drink this much but 9wq8yrt9823hbieuwhbfiuqwgfp29023ur3920hibd;kbas; (puking noise)
C. Only if you're pouring from the Macallan 1926 I saw in your cabinet
D. I don't drink and furthermore I condemn those who do on a moral, religious and deeply personal manner
E. No

4. Please select the best answer when asked the following; "Please describe how you behaved in a situation with emotions running high."

A. Once I was tied up with my hands and legs behind my back and the robbers stole all my drugs I was thankful nobody could see I had peed my pants
B. Choked that bastard right the F@#! out. Come at me bro! 
C. I ran away and hid in the bathroom that has a lock on the door
D. Easy, if you start saying "SIR" or "MA'AM" really loud and keep getting louder things usually go just fine
E. Break down emotionally and sit in the chair sobbing heavily with your head in your hands

5. From the following please select the most appropriate response when asked: "Just who the hell do you think you are? In fact, how dare you?" 

A. Stare the interviewer in the eyes without blinking no matter how painful it becomes due to not blinking. Don't speak
B. I don't remember the answer right now sir, but I'll read all of UpToDate tonight and have an answer for you in the morning. Thank you, sir, I appreciate your patience with me. 
C. Leave
D. None of the above
E. All of the above
F. Some of the above
G. Some of the above but the other ones

Good luck on the interview trail! 

Answers will be revealed soon. 

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