In the modern day timeline, I have a 29 year old male who is built from elements stemming from my experiences and a few key friends of mine. For the past three weeks I've been working in a hospital in Wisconsin, consulting physicians and some support staff with a new computer set up. I've had plenty of downtime, and I've tried to write but have found it hard, and have struggled to produce anything I want to keep. However, I've been able to comb through my hard copy of what I already have written and copy edit and identify sections that require re-writing. In general, such intense scrutiny before the overall work is completed, is something I try to avoid. That said, I've never attempted a writing project of this magnitude before. My gut tells me that I should back off of the hard copy scrutiny, as it has served to discourage me. I believe in the story, but through intense inspection I've been focused on a small grove of trees and lost sight of the forest.
In fact, even writing about writing and the inherent struggles should serve to weaken whatever block I've been working through. Working in a hospital for fourteen hours a day, in a three week straight blitz has not served to allow abundant inspiration to flow -- I recognize this, but time is growing short and I must manufacture a breakthrough.
As much as I think my intense editing and rewriting has been detrimental for my ability to continue writing this novel, I do think I learned something about my intentions concerning the core elements of the story -- of what I want to say and what I want the reader to understand. I've gotten lost, as I have subconsciously brought themes into the story, which serve to confuse and distract the reader -- hell, they distracted me! These disorganized, tangential elements are self-indulgent. My biggest obstacle lies in finding a compromise between telling the story I want to and avoiding overwhelming hedonistic digressions.
What kind of things have seeped into the story that I need to address before moving on? Let's see. In no particular order:
- Stubbornness and harboring of bitterness and anger and what it means for family dynamics
- Generational differences in worldview, especially concerning economics in the U.S.
- Hypocrisy that can occur with blind adherence to religious dogma -- especially the dichotomy that modern American Christians have allowed to prosper
- Anti-science proclivities and the ridiculous, insidious nature from which it springs
- Human-ness and its transcendence through time and cultures, no matter how disparate
All but the last one I identified after re-reading and editing my initial work. The last one, concerning human nature and how very much alike we all are, in fundamental ways, is exactly what I am hoping comes off the paper when the reader goes back and forth from the two timelines. I include it in this list only because I do see it bubbling up in ways I had not specifically intended -- this pleases me, and is indicative of being on the right track, at least as this is concerned.
Do I continue to build on the other elements I've built into the story? I think I need to, in some fashion with, perhaps, varying intensities. Thankfully, public reception of a novel, written by yours truly, will have little bearing on my career or ability to feed my family. And, moreover, I'm simply writing this for myself -- and in that lies the need to seek balance. I do want people to enjoy it, but that is not the supreme, guiding goal of this project. I have to be comfortable that the only person I really want to love it, is me -- and that is much harder to come to terms with than I would have thought.